I've had alot of happenings in my life and encountered many people but the one thing that has remained consitant is that, everyone lies for their own self benifit. Some do it to try and make up this persona that makes them feel in some way to be all the things they lie about, albe it how handsome, sexy, attractive, smart, funny, or some other blurb saying how confident and great they are when in actuality they are the exact opposite. The ones that always make me laugh and amaze me particularly are some men or even exclude the sex refrence and say people that will break a million hearts with a slight attack of coscience along the way but over all just play it off as if its some cute endearing game. I have learned over time that as they say the best defense is a good offense, I have been stepped on enough now to now where to play my cards right and when to back off. However, im highly underestimated and over looked. Im getting bored with the games and the flirtations, im bored with trying to act interested when in reality i just want you to all burn in the lifeless prisons you all call your reality. Its like i just want to wake up and say "do you really think you were that irresistable? or is it maybe, just maybe, I said what i said for my own alterior motives?" "Maybe just maybe me being nice to you was my own type of revenge on two people in my life that deserve it most without you even knowing it was happening".....who knows I guess we can return to that at another time.
On a more real note, I am very sick i'm feeling more and more worn out everyday and i dont even know where to start making myself feel better. I feel disconnected and out stretched, burnt at both ends and pretty much i just feel like im fading. Like with every inch the sickness takes towards me my soul retracts a mile. I used to feel bad for the things i did, I dont anymore, and why should i really? Im dying a slow and painful death while all of you sit there and take advantage of each other, you take for granted everything that you have and could have with no remorse for the things you are losing or the people whos lives you are changing forever. And to be perfectly honest I am just tired of being the good guy, Im just sick and im just tired. Im too tired to care anymore. Now im too tired to keep typing this so im going to go get ready for bed and feed my lil girl who is the only sunshine in this dim reality.
Fading Away
Sometimes I feel Im fading
Like my whole soul is rearranging
The days go by like strong winds breezing
98 outside, my hearts still freezing
Alone I walk a broken path
Alone I sit just do the math
I look straight down and Im still bleeding
A horror book but im still reading
Hours pass the evenings gone
A chess game played with broken pawns
A light goes out there goes my day
Theres nothing left
I fade away.
My random blurbs about life and other random things...
